I just need to get this out.
I’ve been so rocky with God the past few months. I used to be so fervent and passionate in my walk with Him, but I’ve been on this downward spiral and I’ve just become a baby again. I have forgotten so much of the things He’s taught me and I’ve lost all of the wisdom He ever gave me. I haven’t been seeking Him and I’ve been so apathetic. I don’t feel conviction, either. And I have no idea what to do. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if my heart has been too hard, or I’ve been too stubborn or I’ve let Satan cloud my vision, but I’ve been praying to just be woken up. I just want to be shaken. And I haven’t felt it. I just want conviction. And I don’t know why, but I just haven’t felt it. It’s just been indifference.
I figured fellowship at a small group would help get me back on track, but all I feel is that it’s been overwhelming and I’m in over my head with it. It seems like all the girls in the small group are at this level of spiritual maturity that I have completely lost. I feel like the discussions we have are so over my head because I’m just not connected.
I don’t want to be on the wrong thought process here because my emotions are all over the place right now, but I just feel like it’s spiritual food and I’ve come down to a place where I need spiritual milk again. And I can’t handle it. It’s just like… an overload.
But the issue is that I feel like I’m just being a coward and backing out of handling this like a mature daughter in Christ.
I just don’t know what to do.